Secret Door
by chica blanca
Summary: “You think I don’t have a back door into the Seireitei? What kind of evi- I mean, modestly handsome genius would I be?” He stood from the table and left an open mouthed Yoruichi behind.
1. Chapter 1

"You remember that little bar tucked away in the fifth district

Title: Secret Door

Chapter 1:The Bet

AN: So, I had writer's block. In order to fix that little problem I just made myself sit down and start writing. Then a cute fluffy plot bunny on crack hopped my way…so this fic was born. Sometimes I fear for my sanity…then I remember it's already gone, so why worry?

"You remember that little bar tucked away in the fifth district?" Striped hat titled dangerously to the side, Urahara peered blurrily towards his drinking companion.

"Mmmhmm. They had some good food." Yoruichi propped her elbows on the low table. "Not being able to go there might be the worst thing about getting exiled. Plus that bartender was cute."

Urahara snorted. "Anybody looks cute when their giving out free sake. 'Sides, he was married."

Golden eyes narrowed and Yoruichi sat up a bit. "No he wasn't."

"Uh huh." Urahara tipped back his drink nonchalantly, watching the emotions play across her face.

"Nu uh," was her smart reply.

"Wanna bet?" Urahara's eyes sparkled in a way that would have set alarm bells off in Yoruichi's mind had she been sober.

She rolled her eyes. "Che, it's not like we can go and ask him."

"Why not?"

She stared at him for a few minutes, wondering if he had finally lost the rest of his marbles, not that he had many left to lose. "You know, that little problem of being exiled? Ringing any bells?"

Urahara waved one hand in the air dismissively. "You think I don't have a back door into the Seireitei? What kind of evi- I mean, modestly handsome genius would I be?" He stood from the table and left an open mouthed Yoruichi behind.

"I…wha…Wait a second!" she jumped up from the table and downed the sake that was left in her cup before catching up with the crazy ex-captain.

Said crazy ex-captain was standing in front of that had a sign stating 'Dangerous Experimental Chemical Experiments. KEEP OUT! This means you, Jinta.' Chains crisscrossed the door four times with a large padlock holding them together in the middle.

Urahara was digging in his coat pocket. "Now where is that key?"

"Are you telling me…that you've had a way into the Seireitei…THIS ENTIRE TIME?" A vein was starting to pulse violently in her forehead.

Urahara seemed nonplussed by her reaction. "Yes, why?"

She took a deep breath and tried to remember that this was her best friend, she'd known him forever, she should at least get the whole story before she poked his eyeballs out with something rusty and sharp.

"Why is it then, when we had to go rescue Repunze- er Rukia from the Tower, you made us go through the paper-mache' art project you called a gate!"

Urahara shook his head. "Rukia couldn't be Repunzel, she doesn't have the hair." His face grew smug as he pulled a large silver key ring from his inside pocket. "Ah, found it!"

"You didn't answer my question." Yoruichi hissed through clenched teeth. "We almost died because the cleaner was running that day you know."

Urahara shrugged this off as he inserted the key into the lock. "Almost only counts in horseshoes and hand grenades. Besides those kids needed some toughening up." He looked sideways at her and gulped. "Uh, maybe I owe you one?' he asked hopefully.

"You know what, you just moved up a few spots on my list of 'People I Need to Kill'."

He pulled the chains from the door. "How many spots?'

"Fifteen."

"Damn," he opened the door, revealing a vast darkness. "If I buy you lunch can I get it reduced to five?" He smiled charmingly. She was not impressed.

She finally sighed. "It better be a damn good lunch."

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

Mayuri was sitting in his bathroom applying white face paint and singing.

"I feel pretty…oh so pretty….I feel pretty and wit- AHHH!" His screech of surprise caused the two people that just emerged from his linen closet to clap hands over their ears.

"Ah, Mayuri. Long time no see. We're just passing through, don't mind us." Urahara smiled at the flabbergasted captain, before winking and striding out the door, a slightly horrified looking Yoruichi on his heels.

"Kiseke, was he…"

"Yes. Now was it left, right, left to get to the main entrance or right, left, right?"

"But…he was singing…"

"Yes, he likes to do that in his spare time. You should hear him sing opera; good set of lungs on that guy. Now this doesn't look right…"

Yoruichi shook her head to rid her mind of the image of Mayuri singing opera and looked at Urahara dubiously. "You don't know where we are?"

He scoffed at her before looking around with a very lost look on his face. "Of course I know where we are, we are in the twelfth division."

She smacked him upside the head, knocking his hat askew. "I realize that you idiot. How the hell do we get out of this maze?"

"Er, this…way, I think." He ducked as her fist swung for his head again.

They both froze as alarm bells started ringing and a voice announced. "INTRUDERS! ALERT! INTRUDERS!"

Urahara looked mildly disappointed. "Ya know, I really thought Mayuri wouldn't squeal on us." He eyed the far wall on his left. "No helping I guess" Thirty seconds later a giant hole appeared in the wall and the two flash stepped out into the sunlight.

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

"Do you know why we were summoned?" Shunsui half asked, half yawned to Ukitake as they strode into the meeting hall.

"I do not know. I believe it has to do with the commotion I heard coming from twelfth earlier." He looked around the mostly full hall. Only Mayuri and Toshiro were absent besides the captain commander himself; and then Ukitake remembered the tenth division captain was currently in the living world.

Ukitake took his place in line and rolled his eyes discretely as Shunsui dipped his hat forward and seemed to be sleeping on his feet. There were quiet murmurs echoing off the walls. No one seemed to know exactly why they had been summoned to an emergency captain meeting.

The doors were flung open and Yamamoto ambled in followed by a highly agitated Mayuri. The murmurs stopped as the old man took his seat.

"Captain Kurotsuchi, will you please explain why you requested this meeting?"

All eyes turned to Mayuri.

He took a deep breath before stating matter-of-factly, "We have intruders in the Seireitei."

AN: Nah, that's not the end, just felt like stopping. It'll get updated eventually…I hope. BTW, my birthday is tomorrow and my boyfriends coming up to see me instead of the other way 'round so I'm doubtin' OS will get updated till Thursday, sorry guys. Now I gotta go clean my room,

Cya,

chica


	2. Chapter 2

Chapter 2: Rangiku is drunk, but not really

Chapter 2: Rangiku is drunk, but not really.

Every face in the hall held some semblance of shock and disbelief; some more so than others.

"Captain Kurotsuchi, um…did you perhaps forget to properly ventilate your lab again?" Ukitake asked gently.

Mayuri's face screwed up in anger. "I know what I saw, and what I saw was Urahara and that crazy cat lady come through my linen closet!"

There were several discretely exchanged looks before Yamamoto banged his cane twice to gain his captains attention. "Perhaps we should check and see if Urahara has strayed from his location. I believe we have a representative in the living world that can accomplish this quite easily."

Mayuri huffed at the implications that he was not telling the truth, but kept his mouth shut as some unnamed peon pushed in a black device on a wheeled cart. He punched in a series of numbers that rose along one side before bowing and leaving the room.

A shrill ringing sound filled the hall and the officers waited somewhat impatiently for the other line to be picked up.

A breathless voice answered. "This is Toshiro Hitsugaya, Captain of the Tenth Division." There was quite a bit of background noise that he had to talk over.

Yamamoto cleared his throat. "Captain Hitsugaya, could you please inform us of the location of Kisuke Urahara and Yoruichi Shihoin."

"Uh," There was a slight huff of annoyance and a muffled 'Get off the bar top Matsumoto' and then, "Sir? Are they missing?"

"Not as such." The old man paused and opened one eye a crack at the voice that echoed over the phone even if it was evident Toshiro was trying to muffle it.

'No, Ikkaku leave that man alone…I don't care if he called you bald, you _are_ bald…I will not hesitate to freeze you solid…'

The full volume returned and a rather agitated Toshiro said, "I will check the matter personally. Though you do realize that it is three in the morning here in the real world and that might be why he isn't answering his pager."

"And might I ask what you are doing out at three in the morning?" There were a few concealed snickers among the captains.

"Babysitting, sir." he replied dryly.

XXX

"Matsumoto! Shit, can't you even walk on your own feet instead of mine?" The normally calm and collected captain was far from caring about the amused looks he was gaining from the late night passerby. He was half dragging, half supporting the buxom blonde down the street, cursing at the fact that he had been talked into this outing at all.

"Whoa…when did you get so short?" Rangiku slurred, her arms in a stranglehold around Toshiro's head.

"I should have left you back at the bar." Toshiro grumbled as he readjusted her arms. "Urahara better have coffee."

The two made it to the shop in one piece, only to find a sake jug abandoned in the empty room. The lights were still lit, but nobody answered the knocks on the door.

"Where's the big man and the kids?" Rangiku asked rather clearly causing Toshiro to peer at her suspiciously.

"Weren't you drunk a second ago?"

"Big picture, Captain. Big picture. No one is here."

Toshiro shook his head and focused. "We were only looking for Urahara and Shihoin. We'll worry about the others later." He sighed. "I suppose we should search the shop."

"Sure thing!" She bounced further into the shop, causing Toshiro to shake his head in exasperation once more.

He was in the kitchen when he heard Rangiku shout from down the hall.

"Hey Captain! Come look at this!"

Toshiro followed the voice to find her standing in front of an open door, peering around the door jam. "What is it? Did you find them?"

"Um, well, sorta…Does that look like a gate to you?"

Toshiro stared at the closed screened gate. He scrubbed his eyes and looked again. "Matsumoto?"

"Yeah, Captain?"

"You didn't slip me any alcohol while I wasn't looking did you?"

"No, Captain."

"I was afraid of that."

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

"Kisuke, I told you…Fifth district is that way!" To make her point, Yoruichi took the man by the shoulders and turned him in the correct direction.

"But if we go that way, we'll have to go through Sixth Division. You know Byakuya will squeal on us being here when we're not supposed to. Better to go that way." Kisuke swiveled to the right and took a step forward before Yoruichi's hand on his wrist yanked him back.

"Second Division is in that direction you idiot. You think I could get past without Soifon noticing?"

They shared a significant look and abruptly took the left hand path.

"Eleventh Division," they said together.

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

"A gate?" In 2000 years Yamamoto had never been more shocked than to find someone had a noncommissioned gate into the Seireitei.

There was shocked silence amid the captains and Mayuri was grinning smugly.

"Told you so. _Now_ can we send the kill squad after them?"

AN: another installment in this nut-so fic.


	3. Chapter 3

Chapter 3: Blame it on the Rum

"Kinda quiet around here, isn't it?" Urahara commented as they snuck around the edge of eleventh's outer wall.

"You mean besides the click-clacking of those damn geta?" Yoruichi countered.

"You're just jealous of my fashion sense." Urahara pouted.

She rolled her eyes and caught the back of his coat to stop him from stomping off in a huff. "How old are you?"

He smirked at her over his shoulder. "Two years younger than yo- OW! Damn you that hurt!"

Yoruichi stepped primly around the bleeding and wailing man on the ground before commenting airily. "Sure isn't quiet now." She crossed her arms and glared. "Keep it down will you? We are trying to be covert."

"What's covert mean?" Two sets of eyes found the source of the high-pitched voice to be a pink haired pixie sitting on the eleventh division wall. The girl stared at the two open mouthed ex captains for a few seconds before screwing her face up in confusion. "Hey you guys, you okay down there?"

"That's…?" Yoruichi started.

"Uh huh." Urahara supplied.

"She doesn't know about…?"

"Guess not."

The two glanced at each other while Yachiru blinked innocently.

"My tongue's blue," Yachiru announced helpfully.

XXX

"What do you mean you don't know where Vice Captain is?"

Kenpachi shrugged, "She'll turn up eventually, she always does." There was silence for a few moments until he looked up and noticed the other man had a rather worried expression on his face. " Whatcha so worried about? She can take care of herself."

"What about the intruders, sir?"

Kenpachi snorted, "You're worried about the intruders? I'd be worried _for_ the intruders."

XXX

Ichigo groaned as the sound of knuckles hitting glass woke him from a sound sleep. Cracking open one eye he was unsurprised to see someone perched on his windowsill. He briefly entertained leaving Toshiro outside, especially when he caught sight of the red glare of his clock proclaiming it to only be 4:30 in the morning, but figured it was a lost cause because he would simply come through the window. This was simply Toshiro's way of being polite whereas everyone simply waltzed right in liked they owned the place.

One hand occupied with scrubbing the sleep out of his eye, he used the other to hoist the window open. He slumped back on the bed as Toshiro leapt lightly across his legs.

"Have you ever heard of sleep, Toshiro? Marvelous thing that it is, I rarely get enough of it these days." He shot the short captain a glare before pulling the blanket over his head.

The blanket was tugged from his grasp. "We have a situation."

Ichigo blinked. "Really? Does it involve driving me slowly insane from lack of sleep?"

Toshiro leaned across the space that separated them to glare into Ichigo's face. "Did you have any prior knowledge that Urahara had an unsanctioned gate into the Seireitei?"

Ichigo leaned back in surprise. "A wha-?" Toshiro's words seemed to register in his brain. "You mean to tell me he had a _gate _into the Seireitei _all this time? _And he nearly killed us sending us through his makeshift gate?!"

Toshiro stepped back as Ichigo continued his ranting. "So I take that as a no." Ichigo stopped in the middle of what was sure to have been an impressive string of curses. "Do you have any inkling of where or what he would be doing in the Seireitei?"

Ichigo yawned and waved his hand, "Hell if I know. Now if you don't mind…" He reached for the blanket still in Toshiro's hand.

But Toshiro merely threw the blanket to the side and grabbed Ichigo's wrist, hauling the teen out of bed. "We're going."

He half dragged, half pushed the protesting Ichigo towards the open window. "You do realize I'm still in my body?!"

Toshiro stopped with Ichigo hanging half out the window. "So?"

Ichigo had a death grip on the windowsill. "So it will _hurt _when I hit the ground!"

Toshiro had a rather ominous gleam in his eyes." I repeat, so?"

AN: yeah I'm alive…and currently rather buzzed off of some nice barcardi gold. Mmmm pina coladas. Next chap of OS should be out soon, honest I got most of the next chap written and a few other scenes besides. Promise I'm not abandoning it!

Hugs,

chica


End file.
